Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Vipassana - Calm down your monkey mind in just 10 days for FREE!

  • When a retreat is a long way from being a 'treat'... being a monk for 10 days.
  • When farting really is the funniest thing in the world
  • One of those phone calls you really don't want
  • Proof that Vipassana works.....well kinda
  • My mum the Highlander
If you had 10 days free and could do anything, chances are it would involve spending it with loved ones, partying, relaxing or something that would make you feel instantly better.  So why the feck did I chose to go to Vipassana, a 10 day meditation retreat (let's ignore the 'treat' bit) where you wake up at 4am and do +10 hours of meditation/day most of which is sat completely still?   Plus you have to keep noble silence so no talking, reading, writing or eye contact.

Well, I'm curious as to how the mind works.  I also know that we all have ups and downs, but we rarely talk about it.  I'm having a low time in my life right now but I know meditation is helping me and most of my life is bloody splendid (well according to my FB status anyway).  

So as opposed to reaching for those quick heal hormones from sex, drugs, dancing, sport or any of life's other oxytocin/serotonine/endorphine type hits I thought I'd try and go a bit deeper.  

These famous lads make a big deal out of the importance of meditation: 


......but they are not the same as the rest of us.  Finding the time to meditate is difficult if you have any sort of normal work/family commitments.  And that is why I decided on the 10 days retreat.  Habits of a lifetime cannot be changed in minutes or even in a weekend workshop.   Especially if the results are something like this:



Although, let's face facts.  Even the pros find it hard to sit for that long.....


A year ago if someone had told me about a silent retreat I'd have thought they were bonkers.  However, I initially did some by order at my yoga teacher training and liked it. I had signed up for vipassana 6 months ago but was turned away as I had a fever at registration.  So time to try again...

So what is Vipassana?  Well if you are travelling in India, it's something that comes up in conversation pretty regularly.  Just as bungy jumping is in New Zealand, India's adventure sport for backpackers is Vipassana.  And that is India all over, a challenge for the mind aswell as the body; it also shows that India has a slightly different type of traveller.  For Indians, it's a part of life.  

Gautama the Buddha discovered this technique around 500BCE.  Put simply his philosophy was that we all suffer in life through attachment and one of the ways to not get attached to emotion is not to react to things ie. balance or non dualism. No-one can ignore the fact that we suffer, we all strive for a goal of continuous happiness but life throws us lots of shite along the way which makes that harder.  Two good friends of mine committed suicide in the last few years and yet whenever you saw them they were an advert for happiness.  Two very sad stories.  We all like to put on a brave face when we face adversity and that really helps but too often we ignore the route of the problem and just carry on.  And that is why Vipassana is becoming so popular now, people realise that in such a busy world if you can react to/judge emotions with less attachment then life is easier.  Simple.  However, it's not simple to attain.  We could just get lucky by relying on the happy hormones I mentioned above or for medicines but it still comes back to this.......imagine if you could switch it off?


So vipassana, described as similar to a surgical operation to train the brain to react differently to things.  The course is free.  It's free for a reason, you work hard, living practically as a monk and leaving is not really an option.  

I'd done alot of meditation in recent years and it was one of the parts of yoga I really struggled with so a prison type setting suited me.  Plus the fact that one of my most rewarding types of yoga was the focus on breathing which is a big part of Vipassana, but it's only the first three days.  And for those who choose to leave, that's generally when they do.  Just before the deeper stuff starts, so if you chose to leave because you are bored you've totally missed the point.

Now, as for the deeper stuff.  Despite feeling a bit like a cult, Vipassana is not, it's also non-secular and is being reviewed by renowned institutions such as the NHS in relation to mindfulness and addiction.  Now that's all well and good but if you've never done any meditation/been to South Asia before you'll think it is a cult.  Everybody is sat on the floor, chanting everyday with rules such as no feet facing the front of the meditation room.  And although I was fine with it and it keeps the authenticity of the technique I think that the chanting and sitting on the floor would put off a lot of people.  

I chose to do the course in England as I was due to be there for a month after Christmas to see family.  I'd also been told there were a few more creature comforts than doing it in Asia (eg glass in the windows and better mattresses).  Stuff that made 10 days a bit easier.  The accommodation felt like 'business class' to me after spending the last 2 months on a camp bed in the jungle in southern India.  I was also impressed with the ageism where all people over 30 got a twin room as opposed to a dorm.  Plus based on a recent compressed nerve injury for which I was getting weekly physio I was advised to do the course in a chair.  Comfy bed and meditating in a chair.....like I said 'Vipassana Business Class' 

So how does it work?  I've seen some blogs where they describe day by day and 1) I'm not sure how when you cannot write anything down whilst you are there and, 2) I preferred not knowing before I went in.  This was the daily timetable:



As with all Vipassana courses the guys and the girls were split up, even having separate outdoor walking areas which everyday at sunset resembled something like a scene from village of the damned (apart from it was a line of guys just staring at the girls area.......I guess you could say they were in deep thought taking in the sunset - but they (me included) were subtly checking out the girls).  After all when you cannot have something you want it more right?


The village of the damned.....I joke you not this is what it reminded me of!



As I've mentioned before Tim Minchin so succinctly describes us lads are after all just 'monkies in shoes' ....





After joining the line of guys at sunset for a few days I decided to maintain the rule of no eye contact and didn't look at anyone until the end of the course.  Surprising how much energy that took judging people; trust me try it and you'll be amazed. 

Silence worked well.  It made you appreciate every sense more intensely.  You become closer to nature.  I walked everyday during the breaks and each day it was as if my body was getting quieter, I have never been able to get so up close and personal to birds, practically sitting next to them whilst they were feeding for worms.  Amazing.  It also reminded me how silence can be interpreted; during silence on my Yoga TTC a fellow student Yves used to have his food in silence but express his feelings though groans and moans whilst chewing on the food.  An impersonation of 'When Harry met Sally' during a silent retreat is kinda weird.  

There had to be some outlet of energy though and generally that happened when people relaxed 'too much' and in the men's toilets. I've never heard such an orchestra, even vs. the 'girls with gas' I met in Ladakh.  To be fair, I'm glad I didn't do it in India as farting is an olympic sport there, it would have been like trying to keep a silent focus during last night of the proms.

There was one chance to speak every couple of days.  You were invited to the front of the hall and the course leader would ask how you were getting on with the meditation.  On my attempt to whisper after days of silence I came out like a castrami on every occasion with my vocal chords going back to their time when my voice was breaking - oh, so cool ;) 

Meditation is hard and sitting completely still is even harder.  Pain is a big issue that people have with vipassana.   Sitting on the floor, people's knees and backs scream with pain.  And I was similar, 4 weeks on I'm still getting physio on my compressed nerve and at vipassana I was in agony everyday.  Pain is part of the meditation as you have to learn not only to work with the breath to calm your mind but also to not react to sensations.  It was ferkin hard!!  Being an only child I don't like being alone with my thoughts at the best of times but I actually loved the breathing part, it was the pain that killed me.  


Despite not having eye contact I still judged people as you have more time to think.  'That guy who took four pieces of fruit when you're only allowed two' or 'The guy who went to the toilet with the toilet seat down and didn't wash his hands'......classic.  My favourite judgements though were:



  • A guy I called 'catweazle' after a really old UK kids show.  There were all sorts of people on the course.  From stockbrokers to hippies.  This guy looked like he'd been sleeping in a cave for most of his life.  And alot of people were coughing during the course as their bodies reacted to withdrawl from smoking/drinking etc but this guy coughed the loudest.  He sounded like he was going to die everyday.  I'm guessing his body was reacting to a not eating roadkill....



  • The course leader's wife.  Satya Narayan Goenka was the person who took Vipassana global.  After being lost from Indian culture, it was still practiced in Myanmar (Burma) and Goenka was the first teacher to bring it back to India and now c100 centres around the world.  Every night there is a discourse video from Goenka.  Very informative and surprisingly funny but the best part for me was when the camera (even the camera work is hilarious often with his ear as the centre of the shot) panned out to show his wife sitting next to him.  He would be going full flow in lecture style and his wife just sat with no expression.  EVERYTIME the camera panned out I longed for her to be doing a headstand, robot dancing, or looking at her watch and yawning.  It never happened.  




It was a stark reminder of a woman's role in India.  Something which was depicted excellently in a recent Economist article.

Before the course started (before silence), I overheard a couple of guys talking about experiences with Mushrooms and Ayahuasca and I really wasn't sure what kind of course I was getting myself into.  I have to admit though toward the end of the course when I was able to control sensations moving through my body it did remind me of the rush MDMA had given me in my youth......only difference was in Vipassana you had to remain 'equanimous' ie. not react.  Well, I enjoyed it :)


On Day 8, I woke at 0400 with crazy shooting pains in my arm.  My room mate must have thought I was mad as I spent alot of time in the room rubbing myself up against the radiator to try and get the heat into my compressed nerve.  And, of course, I couldn't tell him what I was doing.  Must have thought I had worms!

Despite the pain, I never thought about leaving Vipassana.  I wanted to experience the full 10 days to see what happened no matter how hard it came.  However, on Day 8 I was told I could go home.  A course helper came to my room with a note saying my mum had been taken into hospital.   I couldn't speak to her but found out that she was stable.  The fact is with my mum is that despite looking healthy most of the time she has spent her life with a severe heart condition.  She grew up in a wheelchair, was home schooled, has never done any sport and spent most of my childhood in hospital fighting endocarditis and now as a result ticks as she has titanium heart valves.  She is vulnerable to anything.  If she gets the flu it's bad news and in the last few months she had been diagnosed with crohn's and then whilst I was at vipassana she had collapsed with a ruptured disc.  Painful for everyone but for her an issue due to the extra pressure on her heart.  It was a big deal but I couldn't know the next steps until the afternoon.  I went back into the meditation hall for the next session and it worked.  I didn't react, I was possibly the calmest I've ever been despite hearing some pretty shocking news.  The course head told me I could leave but I knew nothing would change until I spoke to my mum a few hours later so I waited then spoke to her and she was stable.  

On Day 10 we stopped the noble silence.  I checked my mum was OK and we started to all talk and share our experiences.  Everyone I spoke to who had stayed had positive experiences and I was glad to finally speak to my roomie and explain my radiator rubbing obsession.  

The journey home on Day 11 was very odd.  Getting used to the noises of normal life was pretty special, even plugging in my headphones sounded as if I was hearing the music live.  And I immediately noticed my reactions to and judgement of situations was different, reactions were different and that was good.  But would it last?  

I think the best thing to do after vipassana would be to gorge on all those happy hormones by dancing, drinking and sharing some love but for me I was happy to drive on a dark drizzly night to hospital and see my mum.

Life since has been pretty weird.  My mum is stable and out of hospital.  I was her full time carer for the first few weeks which in the early stages involved me getting up at 0530 to make sure she was ok and feed her morphine then, dress her, feed her porridge and look after her for the day.  She's now alot better and we have a private care company looking after her but it was a big change and we are still waiting the outcome.  It's weird to get to that age already where the parent/child role changes and I'm looking after my mum.  I even filled the freezer with meals in tuppawear all labelled for her to heat up and eat.  Something that she used to do for me as a teenager when my parents were on holidays!  My mum is a legend.  I've a feeling with all she's gone through she might just be a Highlander

So has Vipassana worked for me?  No.  You are supposed to maintain it by practising for a minimum of 2 hours/day.  I've been rushing into my mum's room with any sound of pain so that was never going to work but even in my normal world I cannot see it happening.  I have been doing more breathwork though and that helps a lot.  However, the fact remains that I saw the potential of meditation.  It's very powerful.  For now, I'm happy with just striving for balance by using some of those easier to reach happy hormones :) 
If you are thinking of doing Vipassana or have done it and want to share any thoughts please comment below :)

"Vipassana is the art of living.  Not the art of escaping"
S.N. Goenka

Here are some good links on vipassana:

Link to the food  for Vipsanna in the UK - it's VERY good (if you're going to a course, don't click this....wait for the surprise) - click here

Good Blogs:

My friend Barbara.  An Irish girl who completed 10 days despite having diahhorea 

A famous irish travel blogger (guy) who left on day three and also did a vlog :)

A three day diary (not sure how they wrote this!) proving the benefits of staying and 'switching off' the monkey mind (although they left after day three)

Funny blog by a guy who completed the 10 days 

15 comments:

  1. Thank you - I really enjoyed this one :)

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  2. Enjoy your course Veena - am hoping you didn't have a sneaky peak at the food..........'it's good' that's all you need to know :)

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  3. I'm going to have to check out you're blog more often Mr Flack. This came across as written from the heart. Fingers crossed we get to cross paths again sooner than later a chara.

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  4. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Chris. I hope your Mum is comfortable.

    I must admit the Vipassana didn't do much for me either. I experienced no meditation. I thought it was quite far from the "universal technique" we were repeatedly told it was. There was too much Sanscrit chanting for it to be universal.

    The explicit promised at the start of the course was that "the law of nature" will be revealed LOL it sounds so ridiculous now to even hear myself say it. I received no insights about nature as far as I can tell, apart from an increased awareness of the human body's ability to generate methane gas.

    However, I did find that the non-judgmental environment and the routine and the silence all added up to a nice dreamy state of mind at the end. Detached. Equanimous, even :-)


    Benjamin Harvey

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  5. Good man Benjamin - I think even if we see a little bit of Equanimity it means vipassana does work. I'm travelling again now and it's hard to practice as my routine changes daily but I've faith in the technique and am looking forward to practicing back home.

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  7. Wow, I enjoy your writing so much. I finally checked out your blog to specifically read this entry. We met in some health cafe in Rishikesh. I was sitting with a Brazilian girl (describing what it meant "to stalk" someone"...yeah, no you remember for sure :)
    Just wanted to wish you the best with your writing and your trip home. So rich and funny. I hope something positive comes of this for you. All the best!

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  8. Thanks for reading and your kind feedback Brandon. I remember the 'stalker' chat :)

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  9. That's probably my favorite scene from Tron :-) , this was very funny read, next time I should also do a "Vipassana Business Class" :-)

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  10. reap with woman loopy! Your character stuffs splendid. 안전지대 토토

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